Jesse James Is A Dead Man...

By: Dexter Ford

 

I’ve never met Jesse James. I interviewed him on the phone once, researching a piece for The New York Times, and he seemed like a nice-enough guy. Not many of his quotes were printable—I think “f-----d” was the fourth word out of his mouth—but for a man whose job description is “edgy rebel chopper guy”, he came across as a human with whom I might like to have a beer.

I even suggested an episode for his new series, “Jesse James is A Dead Man”. I said that instead of jumping another nitro-burning monster truck through an erupting volcano, he should try doing something that’s really scary, like leaving a chain-lube handprint on the wife’s new slipcover. Or speaking when she asks if that dirndl makes her ass look big.  

Glowing with the knowledge that Jesse and I, were, well, BFFs now, and that he and Sandra (Bullock, you know) and the kids would probably be dropping by for dinner next week, I looked forward to the next episode of JJIADM. He was going to cheat death, yet again, by riding his “custom ice bike” to deliver much-needed medicine to a desolate, wind-swept Inuvialuit village up above the Arctic Circle.

Expectations were high. Questions hovered above my micro-fiber, heated-massage Lazy-Lounger. “What bike would he use?” “Can he ride worth a damn?” And “How had all these apparently disease-ridden Inuvialuits survived without prescription medication all these years before Jesse came over the hill, like some frosty, tattooed cavalryman?”  

Tuktoyaktuk—“Tuk”—is described in the episode’s intro as a pretty bleak, backward place. “Every winter Tuk’s brave inhabitants struggle to survive,” begins the voice-of-doom voiceover. “Tuk has no hospital. No airport. And only one general store…”  

Videotaped villagers beseech Jesse to please, please come quick. One older Inuvialuit, presumably from Tuk, pines for his heart meds—“The store is almost out,” he says.

The “custom ice bike” turns out to be a BMW R1200 G/S Adventure. With flames. Jesse and his crew didn’t seem to have much idea of where they were going, or what they could expect, or how to prep the bike, but they did know enough to bolt up tires with ice studs. Did I mention the flames?

Once in the Canadian upback, Jesse gathers the essential drugs, and he and a local rider tiptoe out into the snow. The going is slow, but the medicine must get through, gosh darn it. So on they go, into the teeth of the gale, Jesse dragging his feet, it seems, all 125 miles of the trip. 

That’s when things started to smell funny.

Jesse was battling the elements, bringing vital medicine to Tuk. But aerial shots of the two bikes, brave specks in the frozen wasteland, revealed that along with the snowmobile-equipped film crew there was also a HELICOPTER along for the ride. The thought kept occurring: “Wouldn’t it be a better idea to put the medicine, I don’t know…into the HELICOPTER?”

When they camp for the night, it turns out that, along with the snowmobiles and the HELICOPTER, they have managed to bring a chainsaw, a gas-powered ice auger and, for all I know, a Honda-powered margarita blender. They chainsaw down half a forest and build a fire big enough to be seen from space—while commiserating about their impending hypothermia.

The next day, as they near Tuk, I can see the HELICOPTER hovering over Jesse’s shoulder as he wobbles along.

I was outraged. Jesse James, my new BFF, a fake? A phony? Just another media pig, famous for being famous? A tattooed Paris Hilton, but with better arc-welding technique?

I hit the Wikipedias, to see if Jesse and the boys had fudged anything else.

Remember that frightening intro, in which “Tuk has no hospital. No airport. And only one general store…”  

Well, Tuk has no hospital, unless you count its fully staffed ROSIE OVAYOUK HEALTH CENTRE, with emergency services, free medical care, four nurses, the whole works. Tuk has no airport—unless you count Tuk’s AIRPORT, with its mile-long runway and daily scheduled flight service. Jesse should know that. Because, according to the locals, he flew out of the Tuk AIRPORT after his ride.

Tuk also has a very pissed-off mayor, The Honorable Merven Gruben—the guy who welcomed Jesse when he arrived in Tuk.

“Right off the bat, (the show) was a pile of crap,” he said in an interview with Katie May of the Canadian Northern News Services. “I think it was all a big, big lie,” he raged.

It gets worse, if that’s possible. Remember the village elder who asked Jesse to bring his life-sustaining heart medication? As it turns out, according to the Northern News Service, that man wasn’t even in Tuk at the time. He was in Inuvik—the “civilized” town where Jesse got the “drugs” in the first place.    

I’ll give Mayor Gruben the last word. “People were saying Jesse James is a dead man…if he comes back to Tuk.”
 

Comments on this post

deltasone

rbbrvwebebggedgvs, VoffGorie, deltasone VoffGorie, priligy Nipnisserup, avodart Jeldelewritly, zovirax worbedSwaro, strattera WRichedic, pentasa meemiercaro, lamictal Zorwarpcaps, naprelan BypeReime, levaquin Sipisysob, nolvadex Lagbaiduado, renagel cotodoodo, sarafem Steenestaindy, periactin Gaiseatte, propecia unustyspoindy, xenical

eHpqkdZBxPjf

cialis onset time - cialis for hape discount viagra - buy levitra viagra buy cheapest online Ambien - canadian pharmacy Ambien buy xanax without prescription - cheap xanax alprazolam order ambien online - pharmacy discount with prescription ambien valium xanax no prescription - valium overdose where can i buy cialis - purchase buy cialis weight loss clinics phentermine atlanta - fastin phentermine drug description prescription drugs can you purchase slim fast herbal phentermine at walmart drug store - order phentermine prescription online herbal viagra reviews - order viagra without prescription

gVBFywvRai

buy cialis online without a prescription - buy cialis 20mg buy viagra online without prescription - buy viagra online without prescription buy ambien - buy ambien generic xanax - xanax buy ambien - buy ambien buy valium without prescription - buy valium overnight cialis - buy cialis 20mg phentermine - buy phentermine online buy phentermine no prescription - buy phentermine online no prescription buy viagra online without prescription - buy viagra online without prescription

CafTZlaYorAKzb

Marriages are made in heaven, but so again, are thunder and lightning., Alice in rabbit wonderland, =[[, Jessica crider, adfvpx, Jessica hudson, :-OOO, Henner artist, %-P, Jessica rabbit breast, mzgudy, Charlie danials band, ugv, Cd eddie rabbitt, =DDD, Dos and donts during pregnancy, 182, Card engine, 25549, Where the wild things are reading level, prb, Biograhy on juelz, yksfo,

ORcsnDBRPOASTzrhHRk
GXBDESwXXBRSD

does generic cialis exist - does cialis make you last longer buy buy viagra - free prescription online viagra canada lunestra vs ambien - sale ambien can i kill myself with xanax and adderall - xanax mexico ambien without a prescription - buy ambien without a prescription valium canada - valium online order Buy Cheap CIALIS - buy cialis online in usa phentermine informacion en espanol - phentermine with no prior prescription needed diet online phentermine pill purchase - online prescriptions for phentermine free viagra sample, - photos of sildenafil for babies

RloxfOKjVkzzfhU

cialis - buy cialis buy viagra online cheap - buy viagra no prescription buy ambien - buy ambien online without prescription buy xanax no prescription - buy xanax no prescription buy ambien - buy ambien online without prescription buy valium online no prescription - cheap valium buy cialis canada - buy cialis generic buy phentermine - buy phentermine online no prescription phentermine - buy phentermine no prescription buy viagra canada - buy viagra online without prescription

cheap cialis
XMBDqZBMxtSCQd

http://iwritten.com/blogs/viewstory/321|<_b_>low dose Norvasc
http://www.illininewsportal.com/content/cod-lexapro-120|<_b_>cod lexapro 120
http://muckytv.com/index.php?do=/doctor/blog/order-seroquel/|<_b_>order seroquel
http://www.cybersar.it/node/29596|<_b_>Cipro pharmacy
http://www.plinky.com/people/dibackvenra|<_b_>purchase nolvadex cheap online
http://www.north35.com/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/165|<_b_>cheap singulair
http://www.extratasty.com/profile/29442/suifronounur|<_b_>order propecia rx care canada
http://ifoundingteam.com/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/223|<_b_>order xenical cash on delivery Mississauga
http://www.teachingenglish.org.uk/users/maalinode|<_b_>viagra prescription buy
http://www.ngffsaa.org/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/150|<_b_>buy Vicodin and pay by cod
http://enmarksoftware.co.cc/jcow/blogs/viewstory/96|<_b_>cheap levitra tablets
http://chookbook.org/blogs/viewstory/213|<_b_>how to buy codeine online without prescript ion online codeine and fe dex buy codeine without a prescript ion or membership
http://funmafia.co.cc/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/337|<_b_>buy tramadol hcl 50mg in Nunavut
http://woopnik.com/elgg/pg/blog/doctor/read/2070/ambien-online-discount-cheap|<_b_>Ambien online discount cheap
http://buy-singulair-online-4hz.piczo.com/?cr=3|<_b_>singulair 10mg
http://www.mireportaje.com/almeria/blogs/viewstory/117|<_b_>generic cialis overnight
http://opencasting.us/pg/blog/doctor/read/24168/average-cost-seroquel-generic|<_b_>average cost seroquel generic
http://webhostingsocial.net/blogs/viewstory/127|<_b_>cheap order prescription Soma
http://www.madwithu.com/social/pg/blog/doctor/read/46620/order-seroquel-overnight-delivery-united-kingdom|<_b_>order seroquel overnight delivery United Kingdom
http://www.druviet.com/blogs/71/diazepam-on-line-no-prescription.html|<_b_>Diazepam on line no prescription
http://www.3socialnet.info/blogs/viewstory/183|<_b_>buy levitra medication
http://mylivingcity.com/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/156|<_b_>buy Acomplia in mo
http://wherewahmsadvertise.com/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/202|<_b_>Buy CELEXA Online No Prescription.
http://thebubblebash.com/blogs/viewstory/234|<_b_>singulair cost with insurance
http://zod.szczecin.pl/blogs/viewstory/235|<_b_>lexapro book buy cheap
http://accesshartlepool.co.uk/hub/blogs/viewstory/155|<_b_>discount buy buy buy prilosec online
http://dance-scene.info/social/blogs/viewstory/157|<_b_>no prior perscription Diazepam
http://westcountry-uk.com/jcow/blogs/viewstory/212|<_b_>singulair vs prozac
http://redecletica.com/pt/blogs/viewstory/125|<_b_>buy Acomplia cash on delivery
http://all41.org/all41/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/122|<_b_>discount sertraline zoloft
http://maejan.co.uk/blogs/viewstory/127|<_b_>Cialis with no rx and free shipping
http://itaesa.com/komunitas/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/208|<_b_>online pharmacy lexapro cod
http://child-net.mommies.co.za/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/220|<_b_>Drug Lipitor
http://www.fxpro.biz/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/158|<_b_>metronidazole cipro
http://eiebook.co.cc/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/299|<_b_>cheap Cipro uk
http://www.shipshapeshop.net/allsaints/node/114174|<_b_>online Doxycycline
http://showpals.com/pg/blog/doctor/read/1731/doxycycline-comprar|<_b_>Doxycycline comprar
http://adj.mediashed.org/node/78811|<_b_>buy clomid and nolvadex online
http://www.studynamic.com/rs/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/104|<_b_>prilosec 30mg
http://todoenmedellin.com/salu2/blogs/viewstory/186|<_b_>Order Nolvadex Germany

CAFVyKAyPqoEvmt

http://iwritten.com/blogs/viewstory/321|<_b_>low dose Norvasc
http://www.illininewsportal.com/content/cod-lexapro-120|<_b_>cod lexapro 120
http://muckytv.com/index.php?do=/doctor/blog/order-seroquel/|<_b_>order seroquel
http://www.cybersar.it/node/29596|<_b_>Cipro pharmacy
http://www.plinky.com/people/dibackvenra|<_b_>purchase nolvadex cheap online
http://www.north35.com/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/165|<_b_>cheap singulair
http://www.extratasty.com/profile/29442/suifronounur|<_b_>order propecia rx care canada
http://ifoundingteam.com/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/223|<_b_>order xenical cash on delivery Mississauga
http://www.teachingenglish.org.uk/users/maalinode|<_b_>viagra prescription buy
http://www.ngffsaa.org/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/150|<_b_>buy Vicodin and pay by cod
http://enmarksoftware.co.cc/jcow/blogs/viewstory/96|<_b_>cheap levitra tablets
http://chookbook.org/blogs/viewstory/213|<_b_>how to buy codeine online without prescript ion online codeine and fe dex buy codeine without a prescript ion or membership
http://funmafia.co.cc/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/337|<_b_>buy tramadol hcl 50mg in Nunavut
http://woopnik.com/elgg/pg/blog/doctor/read/2070/ambien-online-discount-cheap|<_b_>Ambien online discount cheap
http://buy-singulair-online-4hz.piczo.com/?cr=3|<_b_>singulair 10mg
http://www.mireportaje.com/almeria/blogs/viewstory/117|<_b_>generic cialis overnight
http://opencasting.us/pg/blog/doctor/read/24168/average-cost-seroquel-generic|<_b_>average cost seroquel generic
http://webhostingsocial.net/blogs/viewstory/127|<_b_>cheap order prescription Soma
http://www.madwithu.com/social/pg/blog/doctor/read/46620/order-seroquel-overnight-delivery-united-kingdom|<_b_>order seroquel overnight delivery United Kingdom
http://www.druviet.com/blogs/71/diazepam-on-line-no-prescription.html|<_b_>Diazepam on line no prescription
http://www.3socialnet.info/blogs/viewstory/183|<_b_>buy levitra medication
http://mylivingcity.com/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/156|<_b_>buy Acomplia in mo
http://wherewahmsadvertise.com/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/202|<_b_>Buy CELEXA Online No Prescription.
http://thebubblebash.com/blogs/viewstory/234|<_b_>singulair cost with insurance
http://zod.szczecin.pl/blogs/viewstory/235|<_b_>lexapro book buy cheap
http://accesshartlepool.co.uk/hub/blogs/viewstory/155|<_b_>discount buy buy buy prilosec online
http://dance-scene.info/social/blogs/viewstory/157|<_b_>no prior perscription Diazepam
http://westcountry-uk.com/jcow/blogs/viewstory/212|<_b_>singulair vs prozac
http://redecletica.com/pt/blogs/viewstory/125|<_b_>buy Acomplia cash on delivery
http://all41.org/all41/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/122|<_b_>discount sertraline zoloft
http://maejan.co.uk/blogs/viewstory/127|<_b_>Cialis with no rx and free shipping
http://itaesa.com/komunitas/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/208|<_b_>online pharmacy lexapro cod
http://child-net.mommies.co.za/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/220|<_b_>Drug Lipitor
http://www.fxpro.biz/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/158|<_b_>metronidazole cipro
http://eiebook.co.cc/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/299|<_b_>cheap Cipro uk
http://www.shipshapeshop.net/allsaints/node/114174|<_b_>online Doxycycline
http://showpals.com/pg/blog/doctor/read/1731/doxycycline-comprar|<_b_>Doxycycline comprar
http://adj.mediashed.org/node/78811|<_b_>buy clomid and nolvadex online
http://www.studynamic.com/rs/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/104|<_b_>prilosec 30mg
http://todoenmedellin.com/salu2/blogs/viewstory/186|<_b_>Order Nolvadex Germany

ceCXLQDLTeYI

http://iwritten.com/blogs/viewstory/321|<_b_>low dose Norvasc
http://www.illininewsportal.com/content/cod-lexapro-120|<_b_>cod lexapro 120
http://muckytv.com/index.php?do=/doctor/blog/order-seroquel/|<_b_>order seroquel
http://www.cybersar.it/node/29596|<_b_>Cipro pharmacy
http://www.plinky.com/people/dibackvenra|<_b_>purchase nolvadex cheap online
http://www.north35.com/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/165|<_b_>cheap singulair
http://www.extratasty.com/profile/29442/suifronounur|<_b_>order propecia rx care canada
http://ifoundingteam.com/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/223|<_b_>order xenical cash on delivery Mississauga
http://www.teachingenglish.org.uk/users/maalinode|<_b_>viagra prescription buy
http://www.ngffsaa.org/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/150|<_b_>buy Vicodin and pay by cod
http://enmarksoftware.co.cc/jcow/blogs/viewstory/96|<_b_>cheap levitra tablets
http://chookbook.org/blogs/viewstory/213|<_b_>how to buy codeine online without prescript ion online codeine and fe dex buy codeine without a prescript ion or membership
http://funmafia.co.cc/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/337|<_b_>buy tramadol hcl 50mg in Nunavut
http://woopnik.com/elgg/pg/blog/doctor/read/2070/ambien-online-discount-cheap|<_b_>Ambien online discount cheap
http://buy-singulair-online-4hz.piczo.com/?cr=3|<_b_>singulair 10mg
http://www.mireportaje.com/almeria/blogs/viewstory/117|<_b_>generic cialis overnight
http://opencasting.us/pg/blog/doctor/read/24168/average-cost-seroquel-generic|<_b_>average cost seroquel generic
http://webhostingsocial.net/blogs/viewstory/127|<_b_>cheap order prescription Soma
http://www.madwithu.com/social/pg/blog/doctor/read/46620/order-seroquel-overnight-delivery-united-kingdom|<_b_>order seroquel overnight delivery United Kingdom
http://www.druviet.com/blogs/71/diazepam-on-line-no-prescription.html|<_b_>Diazepam on line no prescription
http://www.3socialnet.info/blogs/viewstory/183|<_b_>buy levitra medication
http://mylivingcity.com/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/156|<_b_>buy Acomplia in mo
http://wherewahmsadvertise.com/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/202|<_b_>Buy CELEXA Online No Prescription.
http://thebubblebash.com/blogs/viewstory/234|<_b_>singulair cost with insurance
http://zod.szczecin.pl/blogs/viewstory/235|<_b_>lexapro book buy cheap
http://accesshartlepool.co.uk/hub/blogs/viewstory/155|<_b_>discount buy buy buy prilosec online
http://dance-scene.info/social/blogs/viewstory/157|<_b_>no prior perscription Diazepam
http://westcountry-uk.com/jcow/blogs/viewstory/212|<_b_>singulair vs prozac
http://redecletica.com/pt/blogs/viewstory/125|<_b_>buy Acomplia cash on delivery
http://all41.org/all41/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/122|<_b_>discount sertraline zoloft
http://maejan.co.uk/blogs/viewstory/127|<_b_>Cialis with no rx and free shipping
http://itaesa.com/komunitas/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/208|<_b_>online pharmacy lexapro cod
http://child-net.mommies.co.za/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/220|<_b_>Drug Lipitor
http://www.fxpro.biz/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/158|<_b_>metronidazole cipro
http://eiebook.co.cc/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/299|<_b_>cheap Cipro uk
http://www.shipshapeshop.net/allsaints/node/114174|<_b_>online Doxycycline
http://showpals.com/pg/blog/doctor/read/1731/doxycycline-comprar|<_b_>Doxycycline comprar
http://adj.mediashed.org/node/78811|<_b_>buy clomid and nolvadex online
http://www.studynamic.com/rs/index.php?p=blogs/viewstory/104|<_b_>prilosec 30mg
http://todoenmedellin.com/salu2/blogs/viewstory/186|<_b_>Order Nolvadex Germany

QJtBwnjvSELb
xgDhSGUXarOJ

cialis uk suppliers - buy cialis online pharmacy online order viagra tm online - buy viagra online u ambien online - ambien sleeping pill where to buy xanax - where can i buy xanax without a prescription ambien panic attacks - order ambien valium online consultation - where to buy valium what is tadalafil - cheap strength tadalafil t paradise pharmacy phentermine - phentermine 37.5 mg without prescription phentermine diet pill - best pharmacy to buy phentermine without a prescription buy brand name viagra - how safe viagra buy online